So This Is Christmas
by Starlight Rose
Summary: Syaoran reflects on his Christmas memories after after his return to Hong Kong.


So This Is Christmas  
By: Starlight Rose  
Email: starlighto_rose@hotmail.com  
  
A.N. I don't know in which of my fanfic universes if any this story belongs in, but this was just an angsty piece I thought up for a fanfiction contest on MediaMiner. It deals with Syaoran and his memories of Christmas.  
  
Disclaimer: Clamp owns CCS not me.  
  
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Syaoran dragged himself warily into bed after another grueling day of training. If he thought his training before going to Japan was difficult, then what he was going through now was just pure torture. He knew why though. He knew it all too well. It was his punishment for failung to capture the Clow Cards for his clan, for falling in love with the Sakura and disobeying the clan. His original objective was to capture the cards at all cost including his or anyone else's lives, but Syaoran was weak. He couldn't take an innocent life especially that of such a bright beautiful girl that had more love showered upon her everyday than he had ever recieved his entire life. He couldn't take the life of a girl that possessed more life and love than his entire clan combined.  
  
He glanced up at the calendar where he marked off the days like a prisoner counting the days of his incarceration on a wall. With a bitter smile he noticed that tomorrow was Christmas. Any other fourteen-year-old boy might have been estatic about that, but Syaoran knew better. Tomorrow was just another day. Another day full of mediation and practice. Another day that started before dawn not to open presents but to warm up for being cut and bruised fighting against opponents bigger and better than him. Another day of dragging himself into bed in the dead of night not from partying with his friends and family, but from being burned and frozen by those he considered family. Tomorrow was not Christmas, it was just another day of his punishment.  
  
It had always been like that and it always would, except for one special year. One special year spent in Japan, where love and warmth surrounded him. Syaoran laid on his back staring blindly at the ceiling, his mind lost in the warm memories of that Christmas spent in Japan. He was planning on spending that Christmas like he had every other Christmas. Alone. He could have spent it with others if he had wanted to, but he didn't. Tomoyo had invited him to a big Christmas party she was holding at her house, but he felt uncomfortable about going. Being around all the happy kids with friends and families that loved him made him feel uncomfortable because it reminded him of all that he was missing in his life. So instead, he was holed up in his apartment doing his homework for the winter holidays early when a knock sounded on his door. Syaoran was surprised to say the least when Sakura and Tomoyo stood before with beautiful warm smiles plastered on their faces. He had no idea how they found out where he lived nor how they knew that he was spending Christmas alone, but they knew. They dragged him out of his apartment and over to Tomoyo's mansion for the party. He tried to refuse but between the two strong-willed girls he didn't get very far, so he resigned himself to going.  
  
He went to the party fully expecting to spend his time there alone, hanging on the fringes of the crowd. But he didn't. As soon as he arrived his classmates all gathered around him welcoming him to the party as if he was their friend although he had repeatedly pushed them away. He was fully a part of their group whether he wanted to be or not. They involved him in the friendly chatter and the games and for the first time ever, Syaoran actually felt and acted like a boy his age. He forgot about family obligations and just had fun. Before the party ended and gift were exchanged, for the first time ever in his life Syaoran also felt what it was like to have a true friend. Sakura and Tomoyo both approached him, each carrying a present for him. Neither expected anything in return from him for the gift. They just gave it to him because they considered him their friend, but he swore that he would make it up to them. So since then, every Christmas Syaoran has secretly snuck out to buy each of them a special present, though the one that he always put the most thought into was Sakura's. Unfortunately he could never send the presents because he was forbidden contact with anyone outside of the clan, but he bought them and saved them, swearing that one day he could give them to the two girls that were his first friends and the first ones to ever care about him.  
  
But as those pleasant memories began to fade away and Syaoran's eyes closed with weariness, other less pleasant memories replaced them. Memories from when he was five, memories that made him dread Christmas, because it reminded him of that one time. Syaoran was in his first year of school having entered kindergarten at a pretigious private academy in Hong Kong. His family had enrolled him in it because they decided he needed to learn about non-magical matters. So it was that year he was first introduced to the notion of Christmas. His classmates and teachers told him about the wonderful holiday where people decorated their houses with bright lights and colorful decorations, where a big feast were held as families gathered together to exchange gifts, and where a jolly old man in a bright red suit delivered presents to all the good children of the world. Normally Syaoran would have paid no heed to things such as that but the thought of ther holiday intrigued him because he had never experianced anything similar to it with the exception of the Chinese New Years which still wasn't quite the same thing. He wondered why his family didn't celebrate the holiday. Oh, he knew that the holiday was originally a Christian holiday meant to celebrate the birth of the Christian savior, but he also knew that non-Christian families celebrated it as well since several of his classmates that told him about the holiday were not Christian.  
  
So curious he went home and asked his mother about why the Li Clan did not celebrate the holiday. It was a big mistake on his part and one he would never forget. His mother's eyes narrowed dangerously and Syaoran could feel a chill creep down his spine as his mother's voice coldly told him, "The Li Clasn does not celebrate any holiday so western as Christmas. We are a Chinese clan with traditional Chinese values and customes to uphold. Never mention this again." After which Syaoran was beaten by other members of his clan in training fight after training fight that even the young boy knew was meant to punish for asking his insolent question. When he went to bed that night, he was bruised and bloody, far more than he had ever been before. But to say he actually went to bed was putting it too nicely. The term, Syaoran though grimely, was more like passed out. Passed out from the pain that a normal grown man could not have endured not to mention a young boy. His bones were broken in several places and he was cut and bleeding. He stayed home to recover for the next few days but when he was ready to go back to class, he found out that he was no longer enroled in the academy. Instead his mother had decided that the clan would take care of his education and hired private tutors for him. It was better that way because then Syaoran could not be influenced by the other children his age. Instead he was completely under his family's domination as their puppet.  
  
It wasn't until he was eight that Syaoran learned the true reason why his family did not celebrate Christmas and abhorred anything related to Western culture. They were angry about Clow Reed. They still held a grudge that Clow Reed, the most powerful sorceror to ever be born, had choosen to leave the clan. They blamed the influence of his English father for that. So it was and had always remained a sore spot for his clan that the Clow Cards were not in their possession due to Clow's choice of leaving the clan. and thus they forever branded anything Western as being a reminder of that fact.  
  
When Syaoran came home having failed and having disobeyed their orders, it was further reminder of the fact that they had lost Clow Reed. Syaoran was sure that had he not been the only person in the family born with powerful enough magic to inherit the leadership of the clan, he would have been killed for his transgression. But they chose not to kill him, but rather to everyday torture him physically and mentally. Syaoran was reminded of the things he could not have but always wanted. He was reminded of the love he lacked from his family, but he continued to bear it all because he knew that regardless of what they did to him, if they could not break his spirit as long as he did not let them control him completely then one day he would become clan head and he would then have the authority to do whatever he wanted to, including celebrating Christmas.   
  
But until then, this was Christmas. This routine of punishment that never broke even for the holiday, if anything Syaoran knew that tomorrow would likely be worst than today, but he would bear it because he had to. Christmas was not something for him to rejoice at but something for him to dread, but he couldn't bring himse;f to dread it because of the shining memory of one special Christmas, one special Christmas where Syaoran felt warmth and love, remained shining bright as a star in his mind. And as painful as most of his Christmas memories were, that special memory allowed him to if not forget or ignore the other ones, then to derive comfort from it and hope for better memories of the holiday in future years. 


End file.
